Grrrrrr. I never do my best thinking in the morning, particularly when taken unawares. As I got out of the shower just now, my cell phone rang. I haven't used my phone much in months, for a few reasons: 1. it still has a Chicago phone number; 2. the phone itself is large and unwieldy; 3. I cannot make sense of my call plan and don't want to be charged for peak minutes.

So I answered the phone this morning, because I thought the caller ID said it was John. What I forgot is that last night I'd used the address book feature to double-check his number, and hadn't cleared the display. I also forgot that he'd be at work. [rolleyes]

It was Brandi, or Sandi, or something, from Sprint. She wanted me to know about my outstanding bill of $229.54. Now, I know my bill is past due, but two hundred dollars? Inconceivable. She said that she was calling me to have me pay over the phone by check or credit card. I lied and told her that I didn't have my wallet or checkbook with me. In actuality, they were (and still are) across the room, but there is no money in my account. And by 'no money' I really do mean no money. In fact there is approximately negative $1500 in my checking account. Stupid overdraft.

I told her that I couldn't pay over the phone. I told her that I had been trying to pay online, but unable to get onto the members area of the website*. This part was absolutely true. She said the site must be down. I said, "For the last two months?" She said that in that case I could pay over the phone. I told her, somewhat incredulously, that I did not have my checkbook or wallet. She asked if I had paid over the phone before, informing me that they would still have the credit card info. I'm sure that's illegal, but all I said was that there was no balance on that card, which is perfectly true. She said that I could pay over the phone or at a Sprint Store. I, having no idea what a Sprint Store is (I've since figured out what she meant - I was flustered, but I'm not stupid), told her that I would surely do that. I eventually got her off the phone by hanging up on her.

I hate Sprint PCS.

Now excuse me while I go try, again, to get onto the website so that I can find out what I'm being charged for. Bastards.

*I ceased being able to access the site immediately after I chose to receive no paper bills. I am extremely suspicious that this may be a conspiracy on the part of Sprint PCS, and possibly the government as well, to get my money.