Why I hate beer

I don't drink beer. I don't like it. For one thing, it's carbonated, which I find to be utterly disgusting. I also do not drink soda of any kind, or champaign, or...anything else that is carbonated.

But the reason that I hate beer is not because I dislike drinking it. I hate it because it is inconvenient to not drink it.

Take tonight, for example. (I know it says it's Friday, but I am still awake from Thursday.) We went to Jenn's for dinner, which was lovely. She and Will drank Shiner Bock, I drank apple juice. I love apple juice, and wouldn't have wanted alcohol anyway, because my head hurt.

By the time dinner was over, my head felt better. While we were eating, Alan had called Will to remind him that tonight Nova (not New York Nova, LA Nova - I know, what are the odds?) was having a birthday party at some bar. (I can't remember what it's called. It was nice.) Because we love Nova (she is So Fucking Hot), and she had specifically requested our presence, we drove over to say howdy. Will asked me what I wanted to drink; I froze. I often order a Maker's Mark on the rocks at bars, because I like bourbon and can sip it leisurely. But I didn't want bourbon. So I asked for a margarita - rocks, salt. It was taking a chance, as approximately 97% of bartenders cannot make a decent margarita to save their own skin, but it was what I wanted. It was delicious, and I finished it much more quickly than I usually finish my drinks. But it took about five minutes for him to make it, whereas Will's beer was out of the cooler and in his hand inside of 15 seconds. I wasn't annoyed at having to wait. But I was annoyed at not drinking something quick and easy.

Where is the non-beer drinker's beer? I want something that will not take up the barkeep's time, that will be delivered to me quickly, and that is cool and refreshing! It isn't fair.