Why I will never wear contacts.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to wear glasses. Most of the time I don't mind, because they are HOT in that naughty librarian kind of way, but when I start to break out at the temples, or when I had that weird bruise on the bridge of my nose, or when I wake up and can't remember where I left them and can't find them because I can't see because I'M NOT WEARING MY GLASSES, I get a little annoyed at my husband's 20/20 vision. Also, cute non-prescription sunglasses make me cry.

My main reason for never getting contacts, other than the cost, is the fact that I have never been able to apply eyedrops to my own eyes. I figured that would be a problem. On the other hand, I always figured that if I absolutely forced myself, I could learn. Slowly, and with lots of practice.

Yesterday morning I got in the shower just after Will left for work. I washed my hair and shaved my legs, which I do with cheap-o conditioner instead of soap or shaving cream. So there I am with shampoo and conditioner everywhere, and SOME GETS IN MY EYE. I have no idea which, but I think it was the shampoo. My hands are coated in conditioner. My hair is covered in shampoo, which has started running down my face. I am holding a razor and can't see to put it down.

So I felt around with my free hand till I found the ledge, and set the razor down. I rinsed off my hands, then my hair. ALL WHILE TRYING NOT TO SCREAM IN PAIN. Then I put my face, specifically the left eye, directly under the stream of water. But I couldn't get my eye to open, and the pain was just intensifying. I had a chiropractor appointment in less than an hour, and it's a 30 minute drive. I was having visions (extremely blurry, painful ones) of trying to apply drops to my swollen eye so that I'd be able to drive; then visions of crawling blind and naked and soaking wet to the phone to beg Will to come apply the eyedrops for me and drive me to see Dr. Doug. It was, not to put too fine a point on it, bad. Finally I managed to PRY MY EYE OPEN WITH BOTH HANDS, while under the stream of water. I doubt it opened more than a hair's width, but it was enough. The pain subsided almost instantly, and by the time I finished showering (I skipped conditioning my hair in favor of leave-in) and dried off I didn't even need drops. Yay for the ocular cleansing and hydrating system!

No contacts for me. Ever.