Thursday, February 09, 2006

Hey jealousy

I am a very jealous person. This is different than envy, which I also occasionally suffer from. No, this is limited pretty much to my husband.

Because I have such incredible taste in men (everyone else I ever dated, slept with, or had a vague crush on notwithstanding), the wimmins are all hot for Will. This sounds silly and of course it's hyperbole, except that there really are an obscene number of women waiting in line to take my place. Will doesn't believe this is true at all, but I think that is normal human insecurity - he simply doesn't see himself as the attractive and desirable package that he is.

[aside: Will used to be a bartender and woman would flirt so heavily I wanted to puke (the light flirters amused me; I never minded and they sometimes tipped well). Will was never aware of the come-ons and would get mad at me if I was annoyed when he (I thought) reciprocated. (It should be noted that this was many years ago.)]

I have a very simple rule. If she tried to steal him, she isn't welcome in our lives.

Stupid disclaimer that I shouldn't have to write: I trust Will implicitly. I think another woman - any other woman - could literally throw herself at him and he wouldn't budge except maybe to help her up because he is a gentleman like that. However, I don't think I should have to deal with anyone flirting with him.

I am not very tolerant. But I don't think I'm crazy either. I have had to deal with some choice harlots over the years.

Will's ex who broke his heart a year before I met him and tried to get him back into her bed the second he and I got serious and then spent a year and a half sending him LOVE LETTERS? Not fucking welcome.

The gal who counseled him on the reasons he should stop beating around the bush and make up with me when we were split up and then kissed him the second he and I got serious again? Not welcome.

The chick who tried to get him go out with her for coffee right after I'd moved here and suggested he meet her while I was sleeping? She'd be off the Christmas list (as it were) if I could remember her name.

The girls who were friendly with me but always seemed to hero-worship Will? I understood, of course (he is my hero), but they were not the kind of friends I wanted anyway.

I often think that I need to get a grip and stop being so fucking jealous. It is probably unreasonable of me to flip out when Will talks wistfully about a girl he dated a hundred years ago (or, you know, fourteen). And yet I do. It's not fair of me to ask him to limit his friendships. But I do think I have to tell him when I am uncomfortable. And that? Makes me uncomfortable.

Disclaimer, part two: This is not some passive-aggressive way of confronting him. I am posting this with his full knowledge and approval.