Wednesday, March 08, 2006

expectant melancholy

No one in my family is going to see me pregnant. I am not saying this to complain or be passive-aggressive toward those family members who read this blog; I don't know how I feel about it. It is just something that I realized today. My mom will come out in June when the froggy is tiny and new. I think she is bringing Melanie with her. This is a most lovely plan, as I helped to raise Melanie's babies when they were small. My sister will visit, I am not sure when. (She was originally going to come out before the baby's arrival, but it isn't going to work.) My father I will see when we travel to New York with the tiny baby for my reunion in July.

I guess I am a little sad about it. My family is three thousand miles away. Most of my friends are not local. I don't seem to be able to get New York and Seattle and Austin and Chicago (among other places) any closer to me. It's not for lack of trying! The local friends I've got are fantastic and I have many wonderful acquaintances too but sometimes I wish for a Katherine or a John and they are just not here. Realistically it is only Will that I want on this journey with me, but part of me wishes we had what I know we don't need. When we had nosy interference it drove me batty but a part of me would like the stupid little things like baby showers that we won't have because we choose fewer, deeper (and incidentally further apart geographically) friendships over the convenient.

We have a mini-break coming up soon. I think I really need it. Friends are getting married in Santa Barbara and we got a room at a hotel with a 2-night minimum. I am considering the pros and cons of a maternity swimsuit (I haven't got one now because there isn't a heated pool I can use). I am wondering if I can finagle one of the add-on spa treatments. I am thinking a lot about food and all the places to eat it. And I am also thinking that this will be our last trip without a baby. Can you imagine? We will have a baby soon. I know I frequently mention this as though I only just realized, but it is still so amazing to me. I have wanted this for so long.