Friday, January 21, 2005


So, I've been obsessively re-reading my novelette from last night, and I thought of some more things I wanted to say. Clarifications, if you will.

Two of my biggest worries are that I will become That Wife who only worries about her husband getting where he needs to be (e.g. career), and that people will think that I have become That Wife. So far, the former has not occurred. I don't know if I made that clear.

See, I never forgot to look out for myself. I just forgot how to know what I want.

I've always been the type to fly by the seat of my pants, taking on jobs or projects as the inspiration/opportunity struck. I have eight billion interests and could see building a career/life/super-hobby out of any of them, but I never figured out how to choose. I never got over that feeling of not wanting to close any doors. So here I am with eight billion open doors and I can't pick one. I am knowledgable and skilled in so many areas, but can't concentrate on any one long enough to get good enough at it to, say, make money or get recognition.

For example.

I am a terrific cook. And not only am I good at it, but I also like it. But I have ZERO interest in taking it any further than supper for me and Will and the occasional dinner party.

I can knit and crochet, but I kinda just like making free-form stuff for myself. And John, if he's lucky. I know how to read a pattern in theory, but I've never actually tried.

I'm extremely organized (shut up, it's true when it comes to anything but my own stuff), can type, am great on the telephone, and know my way around a computer. But I HATE being an Assistant, which is pretty much what those skills are good for. (If I had no computer skills, I could be an Executive.)

I'm a very good photographer. I actually know how to use one of them old fashioned film cameras, and while I haven't been in a darkroom in ten years, I take great pictures. But what would I do with that? Weddings? I don't think so. I enjoyed shooting the three I've done, but only because of the people I was doing it for. I don't actually like photographing weddings, and anyway I'm better at landscapes and portraits. And yes, I know there's a fortune to be made doing headshots, but fuck that. I hate actors.

Everywhere I have ever worked, my bosses have been amazed at how good I am. I have always been the best [fill in the blank] they've ever had. But you can't put that on a resume. Oh, plus? I don't want a job. But I do want to find something to do with myself.

I kinda forget what I was clarifying. That happens if you stop a post in the middle to go get dinner and get distracted by Angel and before you know it you've rewatched half of season one...

I'll have to clarify my clarification later, I suppose.

Comments still closed. Sorry, I just don't want input right now. I've been thinking this stuff over for a really long time, and articulating it is complicated and weird.