I am a fucking coward.

I feel sick. Physically ill.

I went downstairs to check the mail. Outside the front door I heard raised voices. I looked, and it was a man, yelling at his child. (I think it was a boy.) He was generally berating him, for I don't know what, and called him stupid at least once. He yelled and yelledas he unloaded some luggage from his van (I believe it was an electric company van, but not a major one - probably a small repair company, and therefore his van). He said "fuck" a lot. I stood there, uncertain of whether to interfere. I wanted to tell him that if he tells a child he is stupid, he will believe it. I knew that if I said that, the man would tell me that his son WAS stupid.

I went upstairs and looked out the window that overlooks the front door. He was still yelling. Another man walked by, not blinking. Maybe he was hurting inside like me. I hope so, because if not then he was dead inside.

The man continued to yell at the boy and I walked to my apartment, trying not to cry. I don't know if I was - am - upset for the boy or for myself. If he had struck the child I wouldn't have hesitated to speak my mind. I would have had no hesitation in threatening him with the police, child protective service...anything. But what he was doing is WORSE, barring true (physical) child abuse. And I did NOTHING. I was afraid of him. Maybe because he was another race, but probably because he was so MEAN. And yet, I know that the child is worse off than me. I was able to just walk away to my home. I may never see that man again.

PLEASE don't tell me that it was all right not to speak to him. Barring physical danger, which I doubt I would have been in, it was NOT OKAY. I should have done something, even if it was just writing down his license plate, or making sure that he saw me watching him.