OH MY GOD IT'S THE ENDTIMES.

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Live giant squid caught on camera

It's banned books week!

ALA | Banned Books Week

Because I am too lame to do anything original, here is the 100 Most Frequently Banned Books list, with the ones I have read bolded, and selected commentary too!

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy�s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (banned for being boring)
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It�s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
Earth�s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel (er, I think. Book titles would be helpful)
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L�Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak (banned for a drawing of a naked baby boy! Three cheers!)
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid�s Tale by Margaret Atwood (this one bored me too. Maybe I am the problem.)
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What�s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume (I think - one really loses track)
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice) (revolting, only read a few chapters)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl (banned for bugs?)
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
What�s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras (No idea how or why, as there were no boys in the house...nevermind, I'm sure that's exactly why.)
Are You There, God? It�s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende (does it count if I saw the movie?)
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women�s Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where�s Waldo? by Martin Hanford (is there actually any reading?)
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Honestly, I can't even think of a reason for some of these to be banned. And I am very smart. Also, I probably missed some, because who the hell keeps track of how many Judy Blume books she reads? The list didn't even say which were her grown-up novels and which I read in grade school.

I'm with Stupid.

Dumbest thing I've heard all day: An ex-supermodel (Amber Valetta) praising an ex-stuntman (Jason Statham) for his ability, as an actor, to perform his own stunts.

(On the "Inside Look" at Transporter 2 shown on the Transporter DVD.)

I'll post when I'm done killing!

We have a cold. Though I suspect it is Influenza (or, to put it colloquially, the flu), as people I know all over the country are down with the same thing. It is, at last count, "going around" Pittsburgh, Chicago, wherever Jason lives, Connecticut, Baltimore (the South African strain), and Los Angeles. Also probably some other places.

I have not posted about oh so many things. And now I forget what most of them were. And the ones I remember are secrets. (I just said that to make you curious. Did it work?)

I ran out of tea. Bye.

139 people crapped their pants this afternoon.

KCAL 9: JetBlue Plane Makes Emergency Landing

That pilot deserves a fucking medal.

(Edit: the article keeps changing, presumably as information becomes available. It seems worth noting that it said, until a few moments ago, that the plane dumped fuel over the Pacific; now it says the pilot was flying around to "burn off fuel," which might be true, but he was mostly circling because there was nowhere to crash land.)

for the record...

I stopped having hysterics days ago. I was hoping, though, that someone would worry, perhaps even panic, thinking that I was still hysterical. Oh well.

Incidentally, life has been grand lately. No, I shan't give details. My mother reads this.

I am having hysterics.

I called building management yesterday and left a message asking that someone come up and fix the screen door to our porch, which had come off its track. I described where we'd stashed the door, in case someone came while we were out.

I left the house at about 10:30 this morning and returned at 2:30. The door was not locked. Inside I found a maintenance slip stating that the work had been completed at 12:00. So my door was unlocked for TWO AND A HALF HOURS. Nothing appears to be missing, but I will have to basically inventory EVERYTHING I OWN.

To add insult to injury, the screen door was replaced on its track but the frame was bent so it doesn't open properly. So basically, shoddy worksmanship PLUS disregard for the safety of my belongings (and really, my person, as anyone could have been in here when I got home).

I called and left another message, demanding that the work be redone and an apology be issued.

Then I called Will in tears and demanded that he come home.

Is there anything else I should do? I see no point calling the police unless I discover anything missing. And even then, I am only going to do so as a formality before suing the pants off the management.

Please offer advice or calm me down or something.

All hail me.

Screenplay finished.

Yes, I said FINISHED. Of course, there are massive revisions to take place before we can even show it to anyone. Like, the second and third acts. But whatever! I (figuratively) wrote "THE END!"*

attn: people with better vocabularies than me

I need a word that means slut, but refers to men, and was in use (doesn't have to be popular use) in 1919 but is still recognizable today.

Don't question me, just help.

and furthermore

I have been eating cheese for the past couple of days with no ill effects. Those Canadians really make excellent dairy products.

* Er, I am stoopid. I originally omitted quotation marks, making my use of the word "figuratively" inaccurate as I literally wrote the end of the script but only figuratively wrote the words "the end."

Oh, fuck.

Robert Wise, Film Director, Dies at 91 - New York Times

Does it count as procrastination if...

...I'm supposed to be working on writing a screenplay, and instead I am reading the extremely informative blog of an established screenplay writer?

Is it really only Tuesday?

I've spent the better part of the last 24 hours reading a painfully long memoir.

I got up at 4:15 this morning (for reasons not related to the memoir), went back to sleep at 5:15, got up at 8:00.

I am very disoriented.

But I will make a hundred bucks out of the deal. (The reading, and the subsequent writing I am about to do about the book - not the getting up practically yesterday.)

The question is, do we need to move or get a new computer? Which is more urgent? Either way the money will go to savings for now. Like a grown-up!

Does the five second rule apply if it's been five seconds since I noticed the food was on the floor?

TO DO.

1. food
   
2. portfolio
   
3. query
   
4. upload
   
5. collapse

(Because I am just that good, item number 1 was completed in the time it took me to post this.)

eleven.

On November 1, 2001, I rode a shuttle bus from Newark International Airport to Grand Central Station in Manhattan. I remember the bus rounding a bend on the highway and the New York skyline coming into view, and it was...broken. I curled up in my seat and called Will in California, crying quietly into my cell phone and trying not to look at my city.

In June of 2003 my father and I went to J+R Computer World. When we left we crossed the street and walked past a church. I was disoriented. "What's over there?" I asked him. It was the World Trade Center, once upon a time. I didn't recognize it because it was gone.

Last Monday Will and I went into New York with his parents and ate lunch with Erik and Nova. I couldn't find the place in the sky where the towers belong.

at the army surplus store

Will: I want to look at a knife, too.

Me: OK. Utility or stabby?

Heath is my Jedi Master.

People have been harrassing me for something like two years to enable site feed. I have been refusing because this is my site so why should you be allowed to read the content elsewhere? But today Heath asked really nicely, so I enabled it. I am a total sucker. I bet he used mind control!

return

We are back in California. I wimped out on the side trips because I was exhausted and aching for home.

I plan to write about:

• knitting
  
• how much Continental Airlines suck
  
• in-laws
  
• where Kerry keeps her lipstick
  
• how I saved money on my car insurance
  
• some other stuff

But I probably won't. Not any time soon. Because I am LAZY and also BUSY.

For now, I give you this: On the way to Will's office this morning we were behind a car with the license plate "DA BZNZ." This presumably stands for "the business," as in "the film industry." But I prefer to think it means "the bee's knees."