Everyone wants my money! And they can have it! I have forty-three cents. Divide it amongst yourselves.

On Tuesday I got mail from The Nature Conservancy asking me for money to help save the darling little endangered leopards. Yesterday I got mail from the HRC asking me for money to help save the darling little endangered civil rights of gay people. I love leopards (and I love gay people almost as much as leopards), but I don't have any money, so I threw away the letters.

Both organizations sent me, along with their pleas for money, "Free Personalized Address Labels!" The ones from the nature people had a really ugly bird on them, and the ones from the gay folks just had a logo (it's stripey).

I kept those.

Now. The way I figure it, the gay folks might care about the environment, and the nature people might care about gay rights (especially if there are gay leopards), but neither of them has the other as their main focus. So it is understandable that the HRC would send me an overweight letter full of paper. But I really don't understand why the nature people would. In order for endangered species to survive, they need habitats, and for most North American animals, this involves trees. The nature people must have killed two or three trees just to send my letter! I find that terribly irresponsible of them. What are the sweet little baby leopards going to climb up after I save their sweet little endangered lives? My letter? I doubt it, as it's unlikely that they'd fit in my wastepaper basket. Plus, no pets allowed. I'll have to double-check the lease, but I'm sure that includes endangered species.

And now I am worried that if I should happen to send any letters and use those return address labels, the recipients will assume that I have given money to these careless, tree-killing organizations. Of course, they will only be able to worry about that if they don't drop dead from the shock of getting a letter from me, so I suppose I have very little to worry about.