This entry is not about Ron Jeremy.

We're leaving first thing tomorrow morning for Washington, District of Columbia, which is not where Mindi lives. Stupid Washington.

But! We will go to the Smithsonian (I have not decided yet which museum, but probably American History because the Ruby Slippers are there) and see Will's sister wed. I also have every intention of going straight from the rehearsal dinner to the nearest theater showing Sin City.

The best part (cue dripping sarcasm) is the sore throat/earache that I came down with this morning. This ought to make flying FUN.

Almost done packing. Be back Sunday-ish.

Guess what.

You know that exciting new job I have that I have been very vague about?

Guess what industry it's in.

And for the love of god, ignore my bad hair. I need a trim.

a conversation

We're leaving a screening.

Will: Well, that was god-awful.

Me: Yeah, but Keith Carradine held the door for me. I flashed him my patented Keith Carradine smile.

Will: I wish I was Keith Carradine, so I could see what your Keith Carradine smile looks like.

Me: Actually, it's the same smile I give anyone who holds a door for me. But don't tell Keith.

Today's To do list

• finish yesterday's list NEVERMIND I HAVE CAKE
  
• bake cake

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

And for good measure: FUCK SHIT CUNT COCK FUCK.

Guess what!

It's raining.

GUESS WHAT ELSE!

The cocksucking shitface building management still has not repaired the roof. So there is a FUCKING LEAK. AGAIN. Luckily, it is not over any of the furniture that we FINALLY PUT BACK WHERE IT BELONGS, but I am still slightly peeved.

UPDATE: WE'RE UP TO THREE LEAKS. I HAVE CALLED WILL AND ASKED HIM TO COME HOME AND STOP ME FROM TAKING A HAMMER TO ALL THE GLASS IN THE BUILDING (NOT COUNTING OUR APARTMENT).

A note about my recent crypticness

Shut up, it is too a word. (No, it is. I looked it up.)

So, Will and I are working on a writing project. And I have alluded to it several times, because, well, this is my blog. But being a blog, it's kind of on the internet, which means that anyone on the planet could potentially read it. Which means I absolutely cannot divulge a single detail if I do not want our creative hard work to go down the toilet because some jerk passes it off as his (or her) own.

I feel kinda bad for being so vague and dropping all these weird hints and not following through. But really, I think you would rather not know what I am talking about than have to read about the law suits we'd have to file and the headache and heartache that would be caused by the potential theft of our genius.

So I will give you this much: It has fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, and miracles.

OK. No giants.

To do.

• laundry
  
• eat lunch
  
• pick up dry cleaning
  
• freak out because only grown-ups have dry cleaning
  
• revise synopsis
  
• make fancy chart dividing up writing assignments
  
• finish with those goddamn wedding pictures
  
• organize my clothes in the closet
  
• price iBooks
  
• buy milk
  
• remind Will that the jeweler STILL has his pocket watch and I will cry if we don't get it back
  
• um, shower

Denny Crane.

Happy Birthday, William Fucking Shatner! Is it just me, or did he have hair plugs back in the day?

Fresh new career prospect in the Judicial Judgment Business

Sometimes I get SPAM that is so intriguing, I cannot stop myself from opening it. And I'm so glad I did this time! Look what was at the bottom of the message:

However irregular the motion might be, it was sure, if continued, to bring him to land in time, and that was all he cared about just then. When night fell his slumber was broken and uneasy, for he wakened more than once with a start of fear that the machine had broken and he was falling into the sea Sometimes he was carried along at a swift pace, and again the machine scarcely worked at all; so his anxiety was excusable

I think this is the prologue to The Machinist...

Oh dear.

I just kneed myself in the nose. I DON'T KNOW HOW I MANAGED IT, SO DON'T ASK.

I'm leaving soon to pick Jenn up at LAX. This should be interesting.

EDIT: I am sorry to report that the most interesting event at LAX today was some knitting that I got done while waiting for Jenn. I hope no one is too disappointed.

Serendipity

(No, still not the stupid movie.)

So, there was this little factoid that I was really, really hoping was true. I wanted to use it as a sort of joke in something Will and I are writing together. It was a piece of trivia that I picked up years ago from a rather unreliable source (i.e. a boy I liked) and I was dreading looking it up for fact checking purposes.

Well, I looked it up and it is not true at all. But the truth is EVEN BETTER than the original information. Yay! I have already rewritten the joke in my head and I love it.

Sometimes, I wish I lived in Austin.

And that's all I have to say about that.

I am shocked. SHOCKED!

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

Oh, woe is me.

I am about half way through my book of crossword puzzles. Did you know that they get harder as you go? NOT FAIR.

Also:

Dear Los Angeles Times,

SUCK MY COCK. I DO NOT WANT YOUR PAPER. I AM ON THE DO NOT FUCKING CALL LIST. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

-not answering the phone ever again

And furthermore:

I want more coffee. Where is my personal barista? WHERE?

A Comedy of Errors

So, Jenny had a 1:30 flight to catch. She was planning to take the train to LAX. She's running late, so she calls me - can I go with her in her truck and then drive it back to her place? Of course I can. So I meet her at her place, but she's really running late, and the laundry room is conspiring against her because nothing is dry, and we finally get on the road and she drives really fast while I keep my knitting needles crossed that we won't get pulled over. I remove the scissors from her carry-on bag. We get her to the terminal a few minutes before 1:00. Maybe there's time. Run! And I leave, and as I'm merging onto Century a motorcycle cop pulls out behind me and flashes his lights. I have this moment of panic - did I forget to signal my lane change? Cut someone off? I certainly can't see a thing when I drive this truck. And OH MY GOD WHICH SIDE DO I PULL OVER ON? But I get myself over to the side of the road and he's real polite and was just pulling me over because there's a crack in Jenny's windshield and I tell him it isn't my truck. So he takes my license info and then lets me leave, no ticket or anything. And I think to myself that I've taken the rest of Jenny's bad luck for the day and she'll get her flight. And about halfway back to our neighborhood I notice a, um, smoking accessory just sitting in the console thingy under the radio. IN PLAIN SIGHT! But not in plain sight if the steering wheel is blocking Mr. Nice Officer's view. THANK GOD. But then I get home and there's a message on my machine - she's still at the airport. Fuck! So I call her and everything was fine till Security found a wine key in the lining of her bag with a 4 inch blade on it that she had no idea was there. A wine key that was directly beneath the scissors I'd fished around for, but I didn't feel it or the hole it had fallen through. Damn it. So she was detained with paperwork and is catching the 5:00 flight. I tell her that I'm pretty sure there's a hidden smoking area in the terminal.

So that's it and everyone's fine and no permanent damage (as far as I know), but GEE WHIZ.

Everything's coming up Millhouse.

I haven't even written this entry yet, and I know you're all sick of my vagueness. So I will give you this much: I landed what promises to be a wicked cool writing gig. I will tell you more about it very soon.

Will and I have been working on a very exciting writing project. We also have a handful of awesome ideas for future projects and another handful of old projects that we're dusting off.

Anyone know how to write a comic, or at least a comic book proposal?

Our friend Erik is in town, finishing his short film for the NYU festival that's coming up.

I have four knitting projects in various states of completion. Will I ever finish one? Who knows!

I still need to upload the rest of the wedding pictures. Boring!

My hair is still fabulous.

I have to pee.

qualifications

So, I'm talking to this guy who may or may not have a job opening that I may or may not be applying for, so you may or may not want to cross your fingers for me (and I may or may not be sorry I can't tell you any more than that), and he asks me to tell him a little about myself. So I'm writing up this pseudo-biography, relevant details only, but I keep thinking of things About Me that are not relevant at all but I totally want to include. So I'm going to post them here.

• I make a damn fine martini.
  
• Margaritas too. In fact, I am just an excellent bartender.
  
• I have fabulous hair.
  
• I like pie.

Not a very long list, but I'm sure it's one I can keep adding to indefinitely.

New hair!

I am gorgeous, dahling.

Just for you.

I have uploaded 95 of a total of around eight billion photographs. They are at the Yahoo thingy. Link on sidebar.

OK, I confess, they are also for my mother-in-law. I just haven't told her yet.

I have already typed this post three times. What. The. Fuck?

And another Preview. Please don't kill me.

Photo by Diana Jeong, October 16, 2004
Cropped by yours truly

Six degrees of Deadwood

I am connected by one degree to the entire cast of Deadwood. Ask me how!

OK, I'll tell you. When I was 13, I was in a theatre group called the Sullivan Street Players. Also in that group was a lovely (stunningly gorgeous might be more accurate) girl named Sarah Paulson, the best and most serious actor among us. We were in two performances together, and in one show she was the lead in a (totally crappy) scene that I wrote. As of this past Sunday night, Sarah is playing Sophia's tutor on Deadwood.

I have lots of stories about how wonderful Sarah is - or at least, was. I haven't seen her in 13 years. I also have a picture of us together. As soon as I am near a scanner, you can bet I'll be posting that! But first, I'd better get finished with those wedding pics. I think I noticed a death threat or two in the Preview post.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I have just discovered that Bobby Lopez, the boy who wrote the songs for the Sullivan Street Players, went on to be Robert Lopez who wrote Avenue Q. HOLY SHIT!

When we were very young.

My baby sister. She was three in the photo. She is 24 today.

I feel very old.

Preview.

By Diana Jeong, October 16, 2004

English Genius

You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 83% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=14457200288064322170

BUY ME THIS.

*** SUGABEATS CREATIONS ***

I really, really, really want that bag.

The thrill is gone!

I have already had two cups of coffee today, and I feel no desire to write in ALL CAPS (except right there, but that was for demonstrative purposes). Woe is my caffeine addiction. Or tolerance, anyway.

Let's see...I spent all day yesterday putting wedding photos onto my computer (from disk), resizing them, and saving them as JPGs. I am MAYBE halfway through, and I am only resizing about half of the total. SHEESH. (I take it back about the ALL CAPS.) I wrote a hilarious essay about it on post-it notes, which I may share with you later if I am feeling very generous. I might also share the photos. WE SHALL SEE.

I started a knitting/crocheting/craft blog, because I felt like it: bettienoir. As you can see from the URL, I was feeling EXTREMELY CREATIVE when I made it. So far, it is mostly posts that I copied over from here, because I am lame like that. I also opened a Flickr account for pictures of my creations. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. BLAH.

John arrives tonight at about 11:00. I could just kill myself for OKing that late arrival, since I have been going to bed around 10:00 nightly. Oh well! MORE COFFEE! DARN DARN DOUBLE DARN.

I have to go.

I am turning in my resignation as a member of the human race.

Student Arrested For Terroristic Threatening Says Incident A Misunderstanding

Found at my cousin Mike's LiveJournal.

WOWZA!

I had COFFEE today! I AM REALLY HYPER!

Let me back up.

I have been sick for just over a week. Last Monday evening I had a sore throat, which I hoped to be able to attribute to shouting "COCKSUCKER!" at our TV repeatedly (got those Deadwood DVDs), but alas - it was swollen glands, the whole she-bang. HA HA HA! SHE BANG! This turned into a very nasty sinus thing. I love Tylenol Sinus. Forget everything I have ever said about not medicating myself unless absolutely necessary. By Friday afternoon, I was feeling better but Will had been home sick for two days. We decided the best course of action was to KILL OUR GERMS WITH TEQUILA, so we went to Ernie's and had yummy Mexican food and TEQUILA.

When we got home, our power was out. WHEE! FUN! So we went to bed early and got up at the crack of dawn on Saturday. We went to several yard sales and had an absolute ball and came home with TONS OF COOL JUNK. Saturday evening we went to Meghan and Mark's place and watched Wet Hot American Summer and had a lovely time, but by the time we left I was feeling crummy again. DAMN IT. And I've been coughing and having shortness of breath and sniffling ever since. SHORTNESS OF BREATH. NOT FUN.

I'm feeling decent today. Woke up, took a shot of Tussin (I'm not being cute, that's store brand Robitussin), sat and talked with Will while he got ready for work. MADE MYSELF A CUP OF COFFEE. OH MY GOD THIS STUFF IS SO GOOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE I WENT A WHOLE WEEK ON DECAF TEA.

My stomach is doing somersaults and I think I might flip out any second and it is TOTALLY WORTH IT BECAUSE I LOVE COFFEE.

Just imagine if I'd made full-caffeine. This is half decaf.