There is something about a blank page...

I seem to have overburdened myself with writing ideas. As usual, the outcome is that I am overwhelmed and not working on anything. Damn my brain!

Just a few days ago, I started work on an adaptation that I've wanted to do for literally years and years. I was very excited to finally be putting it on paper (well, my computer), and am taking my time about it because the source material isn't going anywhere.

This morning I woke up with a perfect picture in my mind of how to adapt my favorite novel ever. I had until today thought it un-adaptable, but now I know that it can be done, and well at that. So now I have two adaptations that I want to write (coincidentally, of books by the same author), in addition to all of my half-finished projects that are lying about collecting dust.

A few minutes ago I opened up Final Draft, thinking that I would write down the opening scene as I'd pictured it. I looked at the blank screen and simply froze. The ideas didn't go anywhere, I just didn't have anything to type. Performance anxiety, or something. But I know that if I take out a yellow legal pad and start scribbling, it will happen. And then I will have to type it all up later, and that will be irritating.

Would anyone like to volunteer to be my amanuensis?

Today (technically yesterday) I got a library card. Yay! I can cross one thing off my (nonexistant) list. The man who gave me the card was very funny. There must be a script that they have to memorize for card applications, on How To Use Your New Library Card. It was reasonably informative, but it seemed to be information aimed at small children. Not in a patronizing way, though. It turns out that the local branch of the LA Public Library has a lousy fiction selection (at least in English - the Korean section was enormous, but I don't know how much of it was fiction), and only a semi-decent non-fiction section, but that's OK because I can borrow from another library if there is something I want. For today, I only brought home a New Yorker collection. (Talk of the Town, before you ask, Phoebe.) There is a decent VHS and DVD selection as well, which is good.

I've done yoga every day this week, which is surely a record for me in regard to sticktoitiveness. (Should that be hyphenated?) Will says that tomorrow he will do it with me. I am trying to figure out how to videotape this, as it will be An Event.

In other news, my computer still hates me. For a while there I thought maybe it didn't, but it was just preparing a new and inventive way to hurt my feelings.

Incidentally (alternate paragraph intro: "In other-other news"), whenever I get noirbettie.com up and running as a proper website, I am considering doing it as a webzine. I don't know why.

Good thing I did today: sent some Good Flight mojo to Wil Wheaton. I think I am going to order his book as a birthday present to myself. Er, if I get any birthday money. I currently haven't got any money of any variety.

Thus endeth a random peek into my brain.

I'm thinking of taking out my belly button ring. Like, permanently. It's a tough decision, because I've had it for 7 years, and I like to have it there to fiddle with. On the other hand, though, it still gets massively infected about once a year, and the scar is getting uglier and uglier, rather than fainter as I'd been hoping. It's coming down from an infection as we speak, and I think when it stops dripping goop (YUCK), it's got to go. Here's hoping that once the jewelry is out the scar fades at least a bit. If not, it will look like I have 2 belly buttons. YUCK again.

I think it is high time that I make a list of Things I Want To Accomplish In My First Quarter-Century, seeing as I've only got about a month left. I'm sure that there is a list a mile long of things I thought I'd have done by now, but lucky for me my memory is utter crap. List forthcoming, if I remember.

The weirdest google (well, Yahoo) search hit yet: Get rid of pepper burns. We ought to have a contest or something...though I suspect that Jess will win.

Annika says:
I would be delighted to fix steaks, or anything else you desire.
CassyLee says:
well, if I see something else enticing at the store, I'll pick it up, but right now I'm definitely leaning towards steak.
CassyLee says:
Or pork chops... you make great pork chops.
CassyLee says:
or fish... i haven't had fish in forever
CassyLee says:
Or hamburger...
Annika says:
Are you hungry? You sound hungry.

A day of good news.

First I discovered, completely by accident, that Ridley Scott really does love me, and is in fact releasing a special edition DVD of Black Hawk Down. (OK, he is not releasing it, but had it never been released, as I feared, it would have been his fault.) Not only that, but it will be out in a few weeks! I've got to scrape together some cash, and quickly.

Then, this evening, I opened my email to find a 'newsletter' from a gal called Andrea. This newsletter contained the West Coast tour dates of one Mr. Andrew Bird. Including a show at The Derby, where I have always wanted to go.

If Slim Cessna has any New York shows while I am there (which looks to be the second-to-last week of June, but is still subject to change), I will know that I've died and gone to heaven.

I can't seem to find any screencaps from Dead/Alive. Surely they exist, but...*cries* I just want a picture of the monkey.

Incidentally, I wrote Pretty Girl long before I saw Dead/Alive, and was horrified when the mum is doing her makeup and pulls off a bit of skin. When I finally make my movie, people will think I stole that bit! At least mine is much more low-key.

Oooh, I should look under its original name. Duh.


...Hooray for IMDB. So far, I haven't found monkey pics, but I did find a few of Selwin. And that is almost as good.

On a related (I swear) note, does anyone have recommendations for decent web hosting companies? As many of you have probably noticed, I haven't updated my site in forever, because I simply cannot deal with geocities. I've been (laboriously) learning html, and I think I can fake it well enough to re-create my site from the ground up and even make some minor improvements, but I am not sure who to host it with. If I can just find a host and figure out FTP, I will be GOLDEN.

Will and I watched Re-Animator this evening. It was worth it to see Jeffrey Combs so young. As the credits were rolling, Will did the dishes. I was half paying attention when the credit for Intern Production Assistants came up -- and guess whose name was there? Tim fucking Minear. I checked IMDB (unreliable at best), and they have him listed as an Assistant Director. Not bloody likely. Will's going to check the official channels tomorrow.

I don't know if it's because it was made in 1985 or because it was his (Stuart Gordon's) first movie or just because, but I didn't really like it, and it certainly didn't compare to Dagon. Being me, though, at the same time I totally loved it. My exact words when it ended were, "Well, that was craptacular." I meant it in a good way. I think. Anyway, I am seriously considering watching Bride of Re-Animator.

I was thinking of going a full two weeks without an entry, but then I figured that no one would even be checking in by then. As it is, I hope there are one or two readers still peeking in here occasionally. It has, after all, only been 11 days. (Oh, dude. And about 11 hours. Hee!)

At first I was going to make an entry after Will's father left, detailing the visit, and I started writing it but it turned out to be too personal. Maybe I will post an edited version at some point.

My most recent plan was to make a brilliant entry about the weekend in Vegas. I got as far as planning the first three sentences, which I shall now attempt to recreate for you:

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold traffic began to slow down. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive.... Why aren't these cars moving?" And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred ten miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas.

My cleverness knows no bounds.

So anyway, we went to Vegas and spent a pretty damn fantastic evening with Pat and Stephanie and Becky and some guy with bleached hair who kind of attached himself to us, like a leech, but was kind enough to pay for dinner and a good portion of the beer, so we put up with him. We also spent quite a bit of time talking with Saren and Harper. Saren is still my very favorite person on the planet, but Harper is really moving up in the ranks. Perhaps it's because she's started talking more, but she seems to have miles more personality than last time we saw her, and she had an awful lot then. My favorite thing that she does is this weird shrugging thing that I can't really describe, but I guess Pat and Stephanie will know what I'm talking about. Deciphering her speech could be a full-time job, maybe at the UN (I'm certain that she could devour, conquer, or at least rule one nation, possibly more). My score of the weekend was "boo-uh-uh," which was very obviously "beautiful," but Will couldn't understand. My sister and I both said "boo-fuh-uh" when we were little. Or anyway, one of us did, and I don't remember which.

I have several other things to write about, but I also have a screenplay that is coming along well which I'd like to work on, and several things to read, some of which require feedback, so I'm going to end here.

Last night was just weird. I've never felt so ill without either being ill or being drunk.

Let me back up a bit. I spent the entire afternoon on the telephone with someone I've never met. This was definitely my longest WD phone call to date, and one of the most delightful. I nearly dropped the telephone after hanging up and looking at the display, which informed me I'd been talking for 242 minutes. Immediately after hanging up, I got in the bathtub. Will got home a few minutes later and hopped in with me immediately. (I lie. He did not hop, and it was not immediate; he took off his clothes first.) After the bath we got dressed and went over to Jenn's house. She'd made tortilla soup, which is my new favorite food.

Unfortunately, something about it didn't agree with me. Maybe it was the huge portions, of which I had 2. Maybe it was the richness, or the spiciness. All I know is that about 5 minutes after I finished eating I had terrible stomach pain, had heartburn, was dizzy, and thought I was going to die. It took Will and Jenn both to get me home, where I took off my pretty clothes and put on sweatpants. Then I spent about half an hour sitting in front of the toilet. I was not able to vomit.

This whole time, my back was in terrible pain as well. Whenever my stomach is upset, my back ties itself up in knots. Finally, when I decided that if I hadn't puked by now I just wasn't going to, Will remembered the heating pad we have for his back and carefully wrapped it around my waist. I felt better almost immediately.

Then we watched the Crappiest Television Ever. First up was The Bachelor: the Women Tell All. What a bunch of stupid cunts. Then was Extreme Makeovers. Ahhh, plastic surgery. Good times.

Around midnight I felt well enough to go to bed. I also felt morally superior to everyone on ABC.

And hey, it was only slightly worse than Tuesday, when a shelf fell on me.

Dear Santa,

Is it to early to start asking for presents? I've been a very good girl, at least today.

First, I would like this for Will. I will be totally upfront about it and tell you that I fully intend to also use it for myself, but it is mostly for him.

Second, I'd like this.

Thanks a million. And thanks to Mark Hemmings for his beautiful snow monkey photos.

Weekends suck. They're all ordering pizza and eating until you nearly explode, and sleeping in, and drinking coffee with Will, and seeing X2 with Cassie, and going out for sushi with Cassie, and Cassie paying, and having leftover pizza for every meal that isn't sushi, and staying up late watching Trading Spaces, and sleeping in some more, and telling mom I love her, and finding places to put the stuff I thought we'd never find places for, and watching the 90210 Reunion show and laughing, and doing laundry so your favorite sweatpants are clean and smell nice, and taking longs baths with Will, and reading trashy novels...when suddenly, they end. Just like that, tomorrow is Monday and Will has to go to work and I have to take care of paperwork, and sure, there's a new episode of Everwood, but who cares about Ephram falling in the water really, when real life starts up again so abruptly?

Man, is it windy.

Today I went to the Beverly Hills Courthouse and picked up the paperwork to sue Will's old landlords in small claims court. We are entitled to sue for the amount of the security deposit plus twice the amount for "statutory damages," whatever those are. I guess I ought to find out between now and the court date (which will be assigned when we bring in the filled-out paperwork).

If we win, I am going to cash the check so that Will and I can do a silly dance and sing "We got two thousand dollars, we got two thousand dollars" and then buy The Guitar. (Alternately, we may not do our Wayne and Garth impressions.)

If we do not win, I am going to have seventeen fits and forty-three tantrums, because the law is absolutely on our side.

In other news, I think I might take a bath.

I am like a giggling 5-year-old with Halloween candy right now, and it's all because of the Angel season finale last night. For the convenience of my readers who have not yet seen it, I present spoiler tags.

[spoiler for Angel 4.22 "Home" with speculation for Buffy episodes 7.21 and 7.22, and spoilers up to 7.20 "Touched" and the preview for 7.21]
First of all, holy crap. That was a truly excellent episode. I won't say that it made up entirely for the mess of season 4 as a whole, but I will say that I am no longer on the fence: I LOVE this show (again). I ought to clean my apartment over the next few days, but I am far more likely to watch season 2 of Angel and grin a lot. (Note to self: compromise. Listen to season 2 while you clean.)

All of the characters finally feel like themselves again. And it really says something that I loved Lilah, who I am known for complaining about loudly.

Tim Minear, I would like to volunteer to have your children. You are the only person who has written a truly great episode all year. I really, really miss Firefly, but this kind of makes up for that heartbreak. Now if only you weren't moving on to a new series.

So, about Buffy. Angel has an amulet, which will give him a reason to go to Sunnydale. Fine, we saw him in the preview for 7.21, and I was spoiled for Boringanus's guest appearance anyway. I am going to speculate that the amulet/vial/whatever it is will somehow make the First corporeal, and that the scythe/axe/whatever will allow Buffy to kill it. OK, not kill, but banish. I think it will be banished from this dimension. This fits in with what I have been told about the Fray comic books, but as I've never read them I may be off a bit.

I also hope very much that Angel will appear as both himself and the First. Just because. (Plus, that would possibly cut down on Buffy-as-the First screentime, and I fucking hate that.)

Back to Angel for a second - I curled up into a tiny ball at the end and burrowed into Will's lap. Giving up Connor was the ultimate expression of love. However, it does make me wonder just how many "secrets" Angel has to carry. He is the only one who remembers his day with Buffy as a human, he is the only one who remembers his son, and I'm fairly sure he knows about Dawn too. Poor fucker.

John had only one complaint about the Angel finale - Lilah's comment about Cordelia getting a manicure. People in comas cannot wear nail polish. I made the excuse that a manicure does not automatically include polish.
[end spoiler]

I have many more thoughts, but my head is simply reeling and I will have to think more about all of this later.

On Jenn's recommendation, I joined the forums at The Deadlands Resource Center. I immediately made a reply to one of her posts, calling her a slut. Good times.

I find it interesting that so many male roleplayers post about girls not 'getting it.' Roleplaying is a very female thing - which is not to say that it's un-masculine, but that creating and playing a character is something that anyone might enjoy. Now, I'm not talking about (A)D+D. I hate that game. I'm talking about good RPGs. By which I of course mean Deadlands. I've tried some others, and meh. Then again, our Deadlands campaign is probably better suited to the world of Marvel...

In other news, I have almost perfected the art of grievously injuring my enemies using only the powers of my mind. And no, I'm not talking about RPGs anymore.

I've got it in my head that I need to paint all of my furniture red. By "all," what I really mean is the 4 matching bookcases, the "matching" IKEA chair, and possibly the unfinished pine bookcase that is desperately in need of repair from cat-claw damage. Also maybe the computer desk, even though I bought stain for it already.

I don't have any red paint.

My shoulder is killing me. I need an in-house masseuse.

I've been going through photographs of myself, and decided (again) that I should be in pin-ups.

Will had an appointment this morning with his Other Girlfriend. She is, of course, his dental hygienist. She shot his gums full of novacaine and scraped plaque and other nasty stuff from them. Apparently, it sounds more gross than it is. Anyway, he took the rest of the day off work, expecting to be mush-mouthed the whole time, but was actually fine by the time I got up (11:00 or so), so we had a lovely day of playing hookie together. We went to the Westside Pavilion, which is, alas, a mall. We looked around K-B Toys, which had an apalling selection, and Barnes & Noble, which had ten billion graphic novels we want but cannot afford, and assorted other stores. Then we had lunch at Poquito Mas, my favorite "fast" Mexican food joint.

This eveing Jenn came by and we played "Beat the Geek," which is nothing like the cable game show.

Now I am trying to upload photos to Yahoo!, because my computer won't allow me to save them on a disk. Stupid computer. The upload is not looking promising. Stupid Yahoo!.

Punctuation following Yahoo! looks strange.

Today is (well, technically yesterday was) Cinqo De Mayo. I did not get in nearly enough Mexican jokes, though I did inadvertantly eat their (LA-style) cuisine. Frankly, I just really like burritos. (note: I am in no way prejudiced against Mexicans, or anyone else for that matter. I hope that goes without saying, but am saying it anyway, just because. I just like making fun of people.)

My pictures have still not uploaded.

We saw X-2 on Friday night. I was blown away. Literally. We saw it at Grauman's Chinese, and the sound system there is unreal.

I'll write up a full review in the next couple of days - for now, let's just leave at "Wow."

Will is downstairs surrounded by comic books. Alas, none of them are X-Men comics. I'm fairly sure we have some, but they're in Pittsburgh or something.

Will's father is coming to visit in less than two weeks. I'm not nervous, but slightly concerned about entertaining him. This will be the first time we've seen each other since I moved back in with his son, effectively saying "Fuck you if you don't like it." He and I get on just fine, but I want to make sure that he has a good time. It's my own backwards way of getting back at him for not accepting me at first.

I am so weird.

Dilemma.

I have had bangs for...ever. I look cute with bangs, if occasionally slightly Hispanic.

I am currently growing out my hair. All of it, meaning no bangs.

I have been tempted daily to cut them. I don't know what to do! Opinions?